Exactly one year ago, on September 7th 2014, I created this blog and if I had known then what I know now… I would be a bit less nervous, but still eager to leave my home country for lovely Fukuoka.
Today some girls of Fukuoka Women’s University arrived at Leuven and I helped them a bit finding their way (to the dorm). As I saw their eagerness to get to know Belgium, to try the food and to start living here, I got reminded how it felt for me one year ago, when I just arrived in Japan and I didn’t know a thing about anything. It made me feel… sad? Happy for them, that they still have so much to explore, but at the same time sad.
On my way home, while reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, I couldn’t stop thinking a lot of things. I wish I had pen and paper, but even my phone had died and while thoughts were whirling in my head there was no way to put it down. Black on White. So this turns out to be another stream of consciousness.
-I am jealous of the students leaving for Japan now-
To a certain degree I feel like I am back where I was before. Nothing has changed. I’ve been gone for a year, but now I’m back at the exact same spot. I’m still a student without diploma, still financially dependent, still haven’t figured out stuff… Have Í even changed?
I think I learned some things, but at the same time I guess I’m still the same person. Aren’t I?
I got to understand more that I cannot trust anybody as much as I can trust yourself. I shouldn’t rely too much on others, double check information, don’t trust people on their word (doesn’t matter whether it’s a stranger or a loved one) and don’t expect them to always live up to expectations. People make promises and forget about them.
At the same time I should learn to let go… not dwell on things like I’m doing right now. I want to be able to do things without thinking, without worrying about consequences.
In Japan I always had something I wanted to do. After all I wanted to be able to talk Japanese fluently. I wanted to get better at volleyball, I wanted to meet friends, climb mountains, bike around, ace classes, be able to run faster and further, learn to cook (never happened) and especially hang out with friends and get to know them, their background and cultures.
Right now I guess I want to graduate, find a job and become independent. Then what? Wait, no, what kind of job? Good question. 😉 Goal: figure out what I want to do with my future.
Other goal: become a better person, try to do something for the world, starting with myself.
“The world is filled with nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.”
But it’s so more than that… Lately I’m starting to feel anxious about a lot of things. At first the climate, a subject that rose regularly, as my uncle and aunt told me about the change of the ice on the mountains, this year there is way less rainfall, the harvest isn’t very well and so on… And while we’re at it let me worry about the IS, the fate of refugees in Europe, intensive (animal) farming and so on… What can I, little person, do about these problems? Tell me.
Trying to figure stuff out. Read. Have me-time. Lots of me-time. Avoid meeting too many people. Try to write the blogs I want to write…